1) Mulder: Spills coffee in his lap That’s great. Now my crotch is gonna be up all night.
2) Mulder: A dream is an answer to a question we haven’t yet learned to ask.
3) Upon seeing a body in two pieces.
Dana Scully: So, should we arrest David Copperfield?
Fox Mulder: Yes. But not for this.
4) Mulder: They say when you talk to God it’s prayer. But when God talks to you, it’s schizophrenia.
5) Mulder: If God does things for a reason, he sure has a bunch of psychopaths carrying out his job orders.
6) Mulder: This whole phenomena is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a government agenda.
7) Scully: Your contact, while interesting in the context of science fiction, was, at least in my memory, recounting a poorly-veiled synopsis of an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle.
8) Lone Gunman: UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome? That’s why we like you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours.
9) Jack Schaffer: I’m just the pilot. You ever flown a flying saucer? Afterwards, sex seems trite.
10) Byers: We never gave up. We never gave in. If, in the end, that’s the best they can say about us, it’ll do.
11) Mulder: I never lie. I willfully engage in a campaign of misinformation.
12) Scully: Okay, Mulder. But, I’m warning you. If this is monkey pee, you’re on your own.
13) Cigarette-Smoking Man: Life… is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You’re stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there’s nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there’s a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they’re gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you’re desperate enough to eat those, all you’ve got left is a… is an empty box… filled with useless, brown paper wrappers.”
14) Scully: If you had to go without your cell phone for two minutes, you would get catatonic schizophrenia.
15) Mulder: Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation.
16) Scully: If I hear ‘Silent Night’ one more time, I’m taking hostages.
17) Mulder: Fear. It’s the oldest tool of power. If you’re distracted by fear of those around you, it keeps you from seeing the actions of those above.
18) Mulder: Three species disappear every day. Who knows how many new ones are being created?
19) Mulder: Four dollars for the first hour of parking is criminal. What you got better be worth at least 45 minutes.
20) Mulder: Before I could only trust myself. Now I can only trust you. And they’ve taken you away from me.
21) Mulder: I still have my work. I still have you. I still have myself.
22) Mulder: It’s kind of hard to make an appointment when you’re up to your ass in raw sewage.
23) Mulder: You know sometimes it just gets hard to smile through it when they ask you to bend down and grab your ankles, you know.
24) Mulder: Do you realize how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one person has pulled it off – Elvis.
25) Mulder: finds watch in the toilet I’ve heard of passing the time… ouch!